You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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