I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You have to summon your inner elephant
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
