it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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