I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
