There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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