This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
