is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
