if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
