At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
