He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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