do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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