Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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