you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
