why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
