i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
