who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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