I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
