Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
