I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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