Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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