one word: firstdatebathroomanal
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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