He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
