She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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