Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
