Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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