I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
there is puke in my bra ... again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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