My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
