i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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