so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
