the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
