She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
