the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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