You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
