There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
