Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
