Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to make a zoo with you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
