I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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