Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
