Swine flu. Run for my life!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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