Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we're making bets on your personal life
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
