I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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