its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
