Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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