man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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