I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
