Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You have to summon your inner elephant
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Is Oprah even human
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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