Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize