she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
