So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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