I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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