There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
