Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
