my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
