I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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