You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
