im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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