The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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