he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
