i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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