i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
