You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
