She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
