I look better un-naked...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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