I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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