i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who did Billy Mays play for?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
