You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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