I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
