I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
