my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
