I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
