i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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