wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
