ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
