Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
