My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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