She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You made out with two different species that night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's shark week go big or go home
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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