No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
