i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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