Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
