That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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