at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
