the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
