The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
