i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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