my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
