dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
