There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
