we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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