He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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