Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
