The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
