i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
