I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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