You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize