I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
