I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
