you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
