but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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