Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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