I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
