i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
