These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
