I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
