I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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