the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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