I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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