I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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