i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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