Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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