my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
