I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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