Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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